Zaf Archuleta !

2012-01-28T23:19:00.000-08:00

Ola mushi mushi hi!

lol.

its been forever since i last updated my blog. hehehehhehe!

HI. (:

things changed so much since i last blogged. i know.
hmmmmm.

im attached now.
waiting for my admission result in a day.
and..... I GOT FATTER LA HAIS

haishaishaishais

and this is my new boyfriend.
aint he cute?

like boy boy. hehehehhehe!

okay la,

i promise i'll blog whenever im free and all. (:

Loves.

2011-11-23T18:26:00.000-08:00

Hiiiiiiii :>
Im still in bed. Going out soon.

Got a morning text from asyraf.
I dont get why even after I read his texts, my insecurities still wont die down.

Good morning nur zaafarani (: i'm off to work now.. Hey, i miss you alot zaf (: and i'm still here, neither i'm leaving nor i'm walking away, unless u want me to. If you allow me, i would stay. Za, i undrstand tht u're having this uneasy unsure feeling, & i cant stop you frm feeling tht way. Bt thr's one thing tht i want to let you know.. I get worried, coz i care, and i get unstable coz i'm afraid of losing.. Bt i keep telling myself to ignore those unpleasant thoughts and feeling, coz i knw it's something tht'll pull me down, and pull me away. It's just because i'm too afraid tht history might repeat itself. Bt tht wont be fair to you or me, coz you're someone i just met, and i cant be giving u the cold treatment tht u dont deserve.
Za, do have faith. In yourself, in me, & in what we're sharing. No one cn change you other than yourself. I'm here to do my best and my give my very best (: do take care. - Asyraf

Tell me, who wouldnt feel better after reading this.
Me.

):

2011-11-22T19:40:00.000-08:00

hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

supp my luvlies
life is good.

been trying to find a job to fill my weekdays.
weekends working as kendarat at random places.

i found someone like you
and his name is asyraf.

take care loves.

xx

2011-11-16T22:32:00.000-08:00

Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
been forever since i last blogged people!
hehehehe

ohwell
prom was ytd!
okok la.
hugged lala and sha for the last time and all.

otp-ed with pooh bear while otw to meet aliff, in the hotel and otw home.
HAHHAHAHA

pooh bear who? for me to know and for you guys to find out.

well, he is just a friend. *shrugs*
haters keep on hating jyeah

--

sorry, im not a player.
im no longer with joe.
and
my story with joe has ended.
and so
its time i move on.

xx

With love.

2011-11-01T18:53:00.000-07:00

Hi sayang,

Happy 2 years anniversary.
I love you. So much.
Really. You dont know how much I love you.

Remember how much fun we used to have?
Idk how much tears we shed for each other.
How much blood ive shed.

i know you hate my intensity.
But i want you to know.
About one thing.
Well, one thing is a lie.
About a few things.

Im really sorry i still dont know you even when we have been together with each other for this long.
Thank you so much for bringing out the best in me.
Thank you for making me discover that I can be a lover and a fighter after all.
Thank you for making me discover that I can be faithful if i want to.

You dont know how bad i feel cause i cant bring out the best in you like how you brought out the very best me.
there are really no words to describe my gratitude towards you.

I cant apologise enough for making you feel controlled.
for hurting your feelings time and again.
making you feel forced into trying to make things between us work.

Thank you so much Solihin.
Thank you.
Loving you.

2011-10-30T19:21:00.000-07:00

suppp brahhhhhhhhh

so.... im studying for chem in a few mins time.
fancy having my birthday tmrw when its an O level Chem paper.

my worse subject ever.
praying hard that chem paper is as manageble as math.
amin.

so...

birthday tmrw. no excitement! just.... haiya nvm.

take care ppl!
xox

2011-10-30T03:40:00.000-07:00

halooooooooooo

life is okay
went to the gym just now.
worked out.

did loads of critical thinking.
don't mistake me.
i just cant stop thinking yknow.

ran a round at the track for a finishing touch.
saw zaiful. lol.

went home. talked a bit.

and here i am.
i think imma watch movie ah.

on replay nowadays; where will go by charlene sorai, see no more by joe jonas and a few others.

a few more days to my birthday.
i dont feel the excitement. trust me.

bracing myself for whats gonna happen on the day after my birthday.

take care ppl.
xox

2011-10-29T22:21:00.000-07:00

Supp my homies

Dont feel like doing anything today.
started off my morning by watching avatar on star movies

watched a bit of malay drama
talked to babe on the phone

and here i am.
stalking ppl on twitter
activated my fb back again

andddddd

bye

2011-10-27T05:50:00.000-07:00

Do I really love him, or am I addicted to the pain of wanting something I can't have? -Twitter

yeah. i wonder most of the time.

its killing me, trust me.
yeah, its. killing me.

Imissyousobad.

2011-10-27T04:10:00.000-07:00

hey.

dont feel like tweeting today.
or maybe for a few days.

yes, i deactivated my facebook.
i have my reasons.

O level, math today.
i swear, i was so distracted.

tons of things on my mind.
i know exactly why i was distracted.

damn, i swear im so pissed off.
well, with the things going on around me.
pissed with myself too.

Have you ever felt so stupid just because you get distracted by lil things?
Being so jealous by lil things?
Feeling insecure cause of lil things?

and cause of these lil things, you just feel so fucked.
cause even when you tried so hard to be okay with whats going on,
you just can't control yourself.

when you thought things were going just fine,
you crashed.

your walls just came crashing down.

the higher you build those walls, the harder you fall each time.
why?
cause of all those stupid unreasonable feelings?

well, that's how i feel anyway.
i'm so pissed with my own feelings.

its like, i don't even know what to feel at different point of times.
i hate my destructive side.

its killing me these days.
its literally killing me, trust me.

i'm damaged.

--

a few days to turning sixteen.
and few days + 1 day to 2 years anniversary with baby.

i don't know what to feel anymore.

save. me.

2011-10-26T07:15:00.000-07:00

Cause I give up

2011-10-18T18:05:00.000-07:00

Aloooooo

Dint go to school today
Studying at home.

Heh heh heh

Life is good.
Loving the roller coaster ride up. :>
Cant be too happy bout it.
Cause if it suddenly goes down and if im not prepared for it, imma crassssh
Cheyy aku bual keling lagik!

Smalam pat jp baby mumbled to me and i huh-ed loudly.
And I said.

Apa u bual? Bual keling ekh?!

Then this indian man turned around and gave me the daggers.
That made me shut up.
And baby called me racist.
Loool.
That was epicccccccc

Buaiiii
Lublub

I just wanna hear you say I love youuuuuu

2011-10-17T07:08:00.000-07:00

sup brothaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

life is gooooooooood

heh heh heh

now, its the time i laugh at you and myself.

you, for thinking that you've won

and me, for not being ready when my exam is a few days away.

on thursday brooooo!!!!

kkkkkkkkk byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

lublub

2011-10-15T22:17:00.000-07:00

Some bitch too stupid to understand what ppl say ald.
Podah!
Mkn gaji buta la lu bro!

Kk.

Kau ckp la apa kau nak.
Seriously, aku tak heran la tolong la.
Aku heran psl Joe je la tolong la k.

Nak aku bual bahasa keling pulak?
-_____________________-

2011-10-13T16:28:00.000-07:00

Why the competition?
Why treat it as if its a competition?

And him as a prize?
Told you I dint want him.
The hell is wrong with you?

What? Do you even know the full story?
Come on, you dont.
Dont kid yourself.

If you think my motive for getting closer to them is all about getting junior then your wrong.
Why be so paranoid. I dint want him.

You dont know a single thing why im doing all this.
Dont pretend as if you do by listening to what people say.

Kill

2011-10-13T08:43:00.000-07:00

People make mistakes.
Just take time to listen to their reasons.
Fred not, its always worth facing your fears.

I learn that the hard way.
By losing the one I love.

Isnt it proven now I love him more than he love me.
I never want everthing to end this way.

Sorry. If you think im just talking shit, you can quit reading.
But its worth thinking about what I just said.

One may have a very solid exterior, but what lies in the heart is worth finding out.

2011-10-13T08:36:00.000-07:00

Human race.

They are willing to kill off one another just to survive.
Just to win the fight.
But by doing so, they also kill off their friendship.
To some, it doesnt matter as long as they get what they want.

In life, it works that way.
Survival of the fittest.

But even the fittest die in the hands of humans' cruelty.

--

I miss you.
But remembering what you done to me made me shut up.

There are times when I miss you.
But I kept mum.
No, not ego.

Its my nature.

Kill

2011-10-13T08:17:00.000-07:00

Obviously my convo between my girl friend and junior's sis gonna be kept confidential.
I lost Joe and I cant even keep my priorities straight.
Harharhar.
Funny how im holding on when there is clearly nth to hold on to.

Yesyes im intense. Ive got a confusing character.
No one understands it except shud and aliff of course.
Weird huh.
But obviously part of my personality like disliking a stranger
at first and end up being so close to them after some time is what they dont understand except for lala.

Well, lala knows me best too.
Well, used to.

Part of me misses her from time to time.
Well, she managed to make an impact in my life.

Oh well, life goes on.

Kill

2011-10-13T07:52:00.001-07:00

Tons of things to tell. But im not sure if I wanna say it all out.

Tons of things been running thru my mind everyday.

Got even closer to Danny and shud.
Hahaha. How can I not grow closer to them? I hang out with them everyday.
Talking about the same thing every night. Crying every night.
Till one night.
My perception towards Danny changed.

Shud and Danny consoled me big time.
Both of them kissed my forehead.
Consoled me.
Explaining everything that I wanna know to me every night.
They never got tired of it.
Even if they were, they never showed it.

One day Danny said.

Can I see this Joe guy? Im getting irritated.
And the three of us laughed.

Danny always get to hear about how well Joe treated me.
But never got to.see his face.
I showed him the fireworks photos on fb.
And he said Joe got the the looks.

Im so proud cause deep inside, I know Joe would be so proud cause someone actually complimented him
Maybe one day Kay Danny bro?

Sorry people, the fireworks album is set as private.
Fat hope, I know we wont get together again, but im never gonna delete it.
He means the world to me still.

The conflict cause of the junior thing.
Loool, and that. I have my reasons and it is not gonna be stated here.
Too personal.
Nahh. Its all about Joe from the start.
Matter of trust? Jyeah mate.

And please take care of shud Danny bro, please dont be like zack.
Please dont be like me too.
Dont cause of you not knowing how to say no to people, your hurting the one you love most.

My fight for Joe is over.
And the fight with my girl friend was never over junior.
I dint want junior.

I just dont know how to reject his sis request.
Well, I have all my reasons.
And people chose to listen to one side only.
Humans, yes.

Kill

2011-10-13T07:10:00.000-07:00

I hate zack. How can he do this to shud.
Why? What did she do? She did her very best ald
Whats not enough? Sexual pleasure? Why???

Best of luck to him on sat.
And best of luck to me too.

I hope nothing will happen to me.
Im so afraid.
He is proven a sex maniac.

Kill.

2011-10-13T06:51:00.000-07:00

631th post! Hah hah hah.

Just got home from playing badminton with shud, Danny and dayat, shud's bro.
Lepak at shud's crib. Planked. HAHAHAHAHA. Zaman purba. Ketinggalan zaman bro.
But its okay. (:

Dangerous work on sat.
God save me. :/
I really hope I wont be raped by a sex maniac.

This is all cause of sister love.
Im helping shud with her boyfriend.

No one is there to protect me anymore.
So I just need to take care of myself.
Help me, im scared.

But I have to do it.
Once and for all.

What if he touches me?
What if he stares at my boobs?
What if talks dirty?
What if he rapes me?

Its dangerous.
But its okay. I wanna let shud free from this bastard.
She cried for months. Suffered for so long.
Now, imma save her.
Even if I were to risk everything.

I just hope everything wont go out of hand.
Being single aint easy after all.

This is the cause of being too pampered all the time.
Now, I just have to save shud. That is all I have to do now.

Amin.

2011-10-02T05:46:00.000-07:00

I can do it, even without them by my side.

If there is no trust to trust, then start trusting yourself even more.

2011-10-02T05:42:00.000-07:00

I look fat. Oh well.

I binge on food when im stress. Expect this.

2011-10-01T08:10:00.000-07:00

peepeepooooo

Mind's play.

2011-09-28T05:40:00.000-07:00

hi.

been doing intensive thinking nowadays.
waking up with the same dream over again is NOT a good sign.

it came true.
no.

i forced myself to believe its all mind's play.
but it might be true that too that he is really leaving.

well, it is proven now anyway.
no.

i choose not to believe.
this cant be happening.
again.

why?
what did i do now?
where did i go wrong?

further away we're getting.
a whole universe apart.

confused.

(:

2011-09-26T04:57:00.001-07:00

hello! sorry i haven't been blogging and been keeping my blog private.
heheheh! busy busy! :p

loads of things have been altered in my life story.

but no worries!

im still me! :D

till here okay?

LovesLoves!

2011-09-26T04:44:00.001-07:00

2011-09-26T04:21:00.001-07:00

2011-09-11T05:24:00.001-07:00

2011-09-11T05:06:00.000-07:00

2011-09-02T06:38:00.001-07:00

2011-09-02T05:30:00.001-07:00

Opening back all the scars just so that I could type all of this out. (':

2011-08-17T23:35:00.000-07:00

Erm hey. Life's been full of shit these days.
Im glad im still alive here. I thank Allah for everything

Im still here and im still okay despite the shits im going thru.

So, im closer to shud and aliff now.
Lala just left.
I just thought she was insecure.
Making things right again isnt favourable. For now maybe.
So I just lost a bestfriend.
bestfriend, lol.
bestfriends wont leave each other.

i just needed someone who could actually listen to what im going thru AND put themselves in my position at the same time. Coincidentally, shud can do just that. they invited me to wherever ever they go. i have my own reasons.

you dint asked what were my reasons why im like this, now. you assumed.
i dont why ppl must assume such things all the time when its easier to ask.
ask and i'll tell. isnt it easy?

Its funny how I can make ppl think that I dont care when I really do.
These days I really make the ._. Expression. Neither smiling nor frowning . Nor -.- Just ._.

If she still thinks I didnt care, then she dont know me at all.
If I didnt care, why would i actually bother to find out why they cried.
If I dint bother why would I actually find out what happened.

Guess how come ms peh knows your phone was still in Cdah's bag girl.

Shud and I found out first and told her.
The one you accused of stealing me from you.
She still cared for you.
We still care.
Told you we're still here.

Idk what ms peh told you.
but i specifically told her not to tell you i was the one who told her.
its easier that way.

So.. My prelims, the results were horrendous.
I kept on studying and the results are not showing.
Annoying sia. nbcb.

I fucking hate it.
who the fuck is gonna entertain my studies.
im tired.
im tired of having to face shits. but its okay. cause im still strong enough.

I thought with everything going on at home and in school.
I could at least lessen my parents' burden with my results.
i guess its not gonna be that way.
If i were to tell them my results, im just scared they would be so mad they wont even talk to me anymore.
Its bad enough I lost a bestfriend to talk with.
Its bad enough I lost a brother to talk to.

Joe is being very contradicting.
We have drifted apart so bad.
I dont know what im supposed to do anymore.
I really dont know.
Im afraid of making the wrong decision and my life would crumble.

Im afraid to look at him, cause i know if i were to look at him while he was looking at me, he would just stop looking at me.
Im afraid i annoy him that much and he would stop texting me.

well, he ald stopped texting me.
we stopped talking.

he stopped replying my i love yous.
we are together right?
yet we are not together.
i can understand.

you cant be there for me all the time, i can understand.
but, yknow what i feel?

you cant be there for me all the time to the point you cant be there for me at all.
at all joe.

do you realise your no longer there? at all?

i tried to position myself in lala's position.
maybe lala feels like how i feel now.

but no, what im feeling now is even worse.
at least i still talk to her from time to time even though im always with shud and aliff.
but you joe, you dint even talk to me from time to time.
we stopped talking. if you realised, if i dint text you, you wont text me either.
if i dint text you to ask if you are free, you wont even meet me.

and i thought that you were gonna meet me alone at mac the other day.
but you brought your friend along.
its okay. i can live with that.

there's so much things going on, but i chose to see it as a test from God.
i know he test us depending on our capabilty of handling our problems.
Only now i can see how strong I am.

perhaps joe have got so much more problems than me.
that is why he is acting as such.
always with his friends, and not at home.
maybe by him being with his friends, he can escape from the real world for a lil while.

maybe what he is doing now is just having a break from me.
i know we have a lot to clear out.
and he is having his own problems.
and being with me means he have to face problems again.

its okay. maybe all i need is a break too.
its been a few days since i met him?
but its been a few weeks since i spent proper time with him.

its okay. im okay.

truth be told, my dad stopped working.
and there's no one to support our family.
thats the reason why i stopped going out that much.
cause there's no cash to spend.
thats why i keep on avoiding when ppl keep asking to go out with them to break fast together as a group of friends.
cause im afraid i cant afford it.

i dont wanna ask my mum for money cause i understand her position.

everybody stopped talking to my first bro.
because he just backed off from everybody.
just like lala did.

backed away. why? because he feels he is not accepted.
just like lala did.

my sis, is another problem.
she is working, but she spends her money on herself.

the only topic she would talk about is always about her boyfriend, her new clothes and her boyfriend and new clothes.
we no longer talk.
we are in the same room, but we no longer talk.

i live in the same house as my brother, but i rarely see him.
we only spend time breaking fast together.
but now, he doesnt come home for break fast anymore.
when he gets home, im ald asleep.

when i wake up for pre dawn meal, he is ald asleep.
when i wake up for school, he is ald asleep.
its hard to see him at home now.

oh yeah.
Im moving house very soon?
Very soon? The agent is gonna come round soon.
Discussion today.

dad seems like he cant afford to pay the bills anymore cause he is ald old and too tired to work. (':

most of the time i feel like quitting school to work, just so that i can pay for the bills and continue to live here.
i cant imagine myself living in a foreign house.

im so used to living here.
i still hope i'll be moving only somewhere around here.

yes, my family is downgrading.
idc what other ppl wanna say and gotta say.
ive got other shits to think of. (':

Abg Fian isnt gonna move out with us. )':
and im the only one who knows about it.
None of my family members are talking to him except for me.
im so afraid to tell mum.
im afraid if i were to tell her about bro's decision now,
she would just stop talking to me cause i dint tell her earlier.

im not telling cause im afraid my bro wont trust me anymore.
im afraid. )':
idk what to do.

Im still okay right. Im fine. Im still here. I thank god.
i still can put on that smile while im in school.
im still strong enough.

Lala left.
Joe is leaving.
Abg Fian is gonna leave.

anybody else who is leaving? (':

2011-08-14T07:01:00.000-07:00

Just so you know.
Im doing fine.
Im doing just fine.

I can understand if your not texting.
I can understand if your not calling.
But when i stopped caring, i hope you understand. - Twitter.

2011-08-11T22:47:00.000-07:00

and i miss joe.
):

prelims paper to be returned back later.
late to meet shud and aliff.
hahahha.
ok byeeee

2011-08-08T06:34:00.000-07:00

nowandcurrently

hais. been tweeting about EVERYTHING nowadays.
imma be ok. (:

yknow, what i think?
if you bothered to seal my insecurities.
we wont be fighting too often.
there wont be any misunderstandings as much.

ok till here.

its been a while.

2011-08-06T07:43:00.000-07:00

still loving him even though we aint together. (':

knowing he isnt feeling the same anymore, just......
nvm.

imma be okay. i hope. (:

(':

2011-08-05T00:35:00.000-07:00

The reason why i smile; solihin bin sadali (':

Back to strangers huh.

Joe wont let me explain.
he wont listen.
he chose to believe whatever reasons he convinced himself to believe.
common, where's the trust love?
i was your lover, and you wont listen to me?

its not fair for me.
but since when was life ever fair?

prolly he got sick of me. well, i never got tired of him.
but its okay.

for now,
i'll just be myself.
i dont give a shit if im rude.
thats just my nature.

hate me? im irritating?
lol, really? hahhahahahha.
yeah, ok. (:

i'll be okay. god is with me in this.
if its love, god will open up his eyes and heart.
if its not meant to be, then i'll just move along. (:

i had the time of my life when i was with joe.
yeah, gotta admit that.

being his girlfriend was the best feeling of my life.
roller coaster rides, awesome much.

but he declared we go our separate ways, so i'll prolly go with the flow.

imma be okay. Allah is with me. (':

2011-07-30T00:04:00.000-07:00

lifes been hard.
but its okay.

extreme part of life. the ups and downs.
going to track soon.

sorry ive not been updating my blog. been gone for a lil while.
but now im back.
im okay.

wont slash cause i love myself.

been missing joe. but its okay.
i know he wont think of me anymore.
im gonna love myself and care for myself.

imma be selfish now.

okay byeeeeeee

2011-07-18T06:05:00.000-07:00

im glad you realise haikal.
im glad you know how deep my love for joe is. (':

Haikal:i knw it
u nvr move on
like always
same old u

me: im setia tolong

haikal : hmmmmm ok all the best lah.dont be sad ok.i knw u are strong.and i knw u love him much more than how u love me the past 2 years.so yeah.but dont give too much hope if he tknk.theres still alot of guys out there=)

Say goodbye

2011-07-17T05:33:00.000-07:00

this is my last post now. (':

joe, if you are reading this.
i want you to know.

i akan tetap ada untuk u walaupun u tk nk i lagi. (':

i love you, and only you.

Yours Always.

2011-07-17T05:27:00.000-07:00

deactivated fb. (':
signed out from twitter.
left both my phones in the drawer.
gonna take out the sim card soon.

and im left with my blog yet again.

brand new start huh? (':

if joe wants to avoid me so much. then im fine with it.

bought a pair of pk.
been wondering where is the nice spot to start on.

im only left with myself now.

imma be just fine.

2011-07-17T04:56:00.000-07:00

gawd, we are really drifting apart. )))))':

he stopped replying to my texts, my chats.

this cant be happening. )':

i dont want this to happen.

god, why must you let this happen.
joe, why must you make this decision? )':

FUCK MY LIFE

2011-07-16T19:58:00.000-07:00

here is my friend.
nahhh. thats a lie.

he used to be my brother, bestfriend, lover, boyfriend.
my everything.

he means so much to me.

due to some reasons,
we went out separate ways.

2 November 09? (':

god bless my friend.

2011-07-16T06:42:00.000-07:00

Accompanied a friend to harbourfront to send his phone for repair.
im not prepared for the sinking feeling when i wake up later.
this is the life joe chose for me.
i told him i dont wanna break up, move on and find someone new.
but he insisted. for my own good.

god, when will you wake up boy?
it wont make any difference.

your only hurting yourself.
hurting me.
please?
maybe we are meant to be.

wake up.
i dont want someone new.
no, i dont.

cant we make it last somehow?
maybe its not the end for you and I.

)':

2011-07-14T04:18:00.000-07:00

I need you. god save me. ))':

2011-07-12T08:02:00.000-07:00

i nk u srg jer. )':

2011-07-09T05:55:00.000-07:00

I hope my baby's fine. :/

He sounded pissed.

Im worried and I forgot to ask where he's going.
Without his phone. :/

Stupid me. Stupid. Damn.

2011-07-08T21:44:00.000-07:00

hi martians. (:

its saturday today.
i plan to slack at home doing nth i guess. study perhaps.

im tired of school ald.
..........

woke up at 11 am today.
never in my life tolong.

mum yet to wake up.
hahhaahahha.

like wtf.
its 12:50 pm btw.

lul.

i miss the old me.
nvm, let's practise anger management. (:

alright. till here. (:

2011-07-07T05:12:00.000-07:00

Back door crack blahblahblah
K sori
No mood
Missing my boyfriend so bad
Bye

2011-07-05T06:49:00.003-07:00

Put it down me put it down on me. heheh.

i love my boyfriend.
bestest boyfriend in the whole wide wide world? ^^

2011-07-03T19:10:00.001-07:00

Good morning martians
Meeting lala at 11 later.
Gonna call baby later maybe.

Hmm k bai

2011-07-03T05:06:00.000-07:00

shots shots shots shots shots shots shots shots

hey
today super boring.

i need new club songs to get me going.

life's been shitty.

k bai

2011-07-03T03:08:00.000-07:00

Hey.

Just got home from jp.
Sissy treated me to swensen's.
Bought me capri pants I think.
Topping up my prepaid for me too maybe.

Dk dc. Hais.

I miss Joe. Badly
He doesnt seem to care at all.

2011-07-03T00:15:00.000-07:00

Everything is just so awkward.

Everything im doing feels wrong. :/
I need my boyfriend. :'/

Even him, its just so awkward between us ald.

How I wish things would be ok again
I miss my boyfriend. )':

Hais.

Ok bai

2011-07-03T00:06:00.000-07:00

Hey.

Currently watching Jennifer's body, again

God I feel so weak.
:'/

Shouldnt have cut myself.

2011-07-02T17:53:00.000-07:00

Finally he talked nicely to me .
Since he is going out with his fam.
Imma rot at home I think.
Maybe imma go to grams .

Maybe imma study till nite . Maybe.

Okay then. Bye martians.

2011-07-02T00:26:00.000-07:00

Hey.
1 year and 8 months today.

Im just gonna sit here and hope that you realised what u did.
I know im in the wrong for saying the wrong things accidentally.
I'll take the blame. But realise what you did. Open your mind.

The last call is my new number
I love you.

2011-07-01T06:36:00.001-07:00

to make yourself feel better your hurting me?
FUCKING WAKE UP DUDE
wake up
wake up and realise what your doing
nvm
its all my fault.let me take all the blame.let me keep it all to myself this time roundlet me fight alonelast few slits(':gnite

2011-07-01T06:34:00.000-07:00

he picked up my call

its okay that he answered rudely

hung up on me?

okay best

my fault kay

i suffer blood lost dont ever fucking blame me

2011-07-01T06:33:00.000-07:00

for how long are you gonna torture me like this?

why is it my fault? )':

whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

2011-07-01T06:25:00.000-07:00

10 slits.

proud of myself, not.
cant feel the pain. _|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_
nvm, shall do more.
yes more.

craving for more slits.
stupid? no.

2011-07-01T06:21:00.001-07:00

yes, im blaming myself.
no im not taking it too hard. its just me.
im too intense.
hate me? bitch-slap me. _|_

im tired of sitting here.
feeling sorry for myself.
will try to call joe later. :/

praying hard he would pick up and things would be good again. :'/
gawwwwwd.

za why you so stupid ah?
your just stupid za idk what to say.
your just so stupid. _|_ _|_
you give love a bad name girl.

2011-07-01T06:13:00.000-07:00

back to basics.

slitting. it feels so good.

2011-07-01T04:52:00.000-07:00

Right thru me.

erm hey. :/ idk if my blog allows me to blog a long post. :'/

i screwed up everything big time. :/
i hate the fact that i cant talk properly. :/
express myself properly i mean. there you go. i cant express myself properly.
oh ya. cause of my fucking big mouth.
I fought with my boyfriend.
great just great huh? :'/

i hate myself and thats for sure. i hate myself cause i keep on saying the wrong things.
might as well i shut my mouth so i dont have to say a thing therefore i wont hurt anyone i love. ))':

i had enough of myself. :/
i dint mean to say that i side wati, i meant to say why do i even sound like im siding wati instead of why am i siding wati. seeee. fuckmyself.

FUCK MYSELF
I HAD ENOUGH OF MYSELF

even after hurting myself so bad i stil dont feel any better.
bruised knuckles, bloody feet, bloody wrist.
HOW MUCH MORE OF MY BLOOD SHOULD I SHED TO MAKE MYSELF FEEL BETTER?! ))':
i had enough of whats going on at home, school, me, myself, I.
im tired of my bloody stupid self. fuck my life. )': fuck my life.

_|_ MY LIFE.

so down low now. )':
there's no one to open up to anymore. )':

i cant seem to find myself.
im advising shud.

i cant advise myself see how stupid i am?
oh ya. i forgot, im stupid. (Y) (':

stupid girl wanna stop blogging for now.
okay bye clever martians.

2011-06-24T22:10:00.000-07:00

Currently otp-ing with baby.
Hehe.

Nasi lemak?

Sambal warna merah, timun dua keping warna hijau.
Nasi semangkuk, ayam kepak warna brown
Pinggan satu tkmu lupa.
Makan nan straw.

Joe's food list. -.-

Okay bai.

I love you. Muuah! XOXO

2011-06-24T08:22:00.000-07:00

helluuuuuuuuuuuuuu~

time check : 11:34pm.

im not sleepy.
not tired either.

so yeaaaaaaaah~

missing baby boy. *pouts*

cheyy!!

did a lq vid for my godsis. swear today no mood.

ok bai

2011-06-23T08:37:00.000-07:00

Timecheck: 11:38pm

Wide awake.
Thinking of? Joe.

Crazy huh.
Lul.
Going to family clinic tmrw.

Lps tu nk jumpa Joe can?
Check2 esok dia busy. -.-

2011-06-23T08:03:00.000-07:00

Hi.

Irritated. Tolong.
I hate people being too friendly with me. -.-

Especially people I dont like.
Rude. But still. Uncomfortable.

i miss joeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. )))))))))))))):
I miss your company baby. I miss your presence.

We need to talk. )):
Have to.

Will call you tmrw? I want meet you tmrw can???????????

2011-06-23T05:08:00.000-07:00

Apparently some asshole spoiled my night.
Ccb.
He got rs problem nvm know.
Eh sial ah.
Ok. Here's the story.

He started w chatting me.
Asked for my opinion.
I gave my opinion and in return he showed me attitude.

Kiwaaaaak. Mintak kene sepak sial.
No wonder ada mataer cpat break.
Nnk kau nye laki la sial. Puihh. -.-
Irritating tolonnnnggggg.

2011-06-21T16:23:00.000-07:00

Bie, if you are reading this. Im having remedial later on and it ends at 930.
I'll pass by rt at that time.
So yeah.
If you wanna meet me.
Be there at 930?

Anything lala's phone ok?

Toodles.
Iloveyou imissyou.

2011-06-21T04:23:00.000-07:00

Harlu. Im boreeeed.

Today slack babi sia.
Hmmmm.

Nak jumpa baby esok caaaaan? )))):

2011-06-20T20:55:00.000-07:00

Hey.

Hmmm. Maybe its my phone thats sot.
I dont think Joe wouldnt call me for no apparent reason.
Confirm my phone one ah.
Sial ekh phone? Kay tkpe.

Baby, i miss you and I love you.
Muuah. XOXO

2011-06-20T19:38:00.001-07:00

good morning.

watching bugs bunny early morning. lul.

ive given up waiting for joe to call me.
i waited since forever.

ok then.

toodles.

2011-06-20T05:33:00.001-07:00

baby, call me when you see this. cause im missing you. like hell. ):

give me everything tonight~

2011-06-20T05:06:00.001-07:00

2011-06-18T07:20:00.000-07:00

Gonna study tmrw. More of revision actually.
My life is full of shit huh. _|_

2011-06-18T07:08:00.000-07:00

Erm hi.

Time check: 10:10pm. :/

Im studying. I think.

Exam on Monday. Imma fucked up child. Fuck my school for not giving extra lessons.

I hope im not what I think I am.
Maybe im just paranoid.
Maybe im not. Fml.

Err. Went bowling just now. Had fun I think.
Thank god rizal made my day. Its so weird calling him that and talking kau aku with him. Lol.

Dramatic day.

Lala accompanied me whole waiting for Joe.
Gawd it took him ages to come but I was glad he made it and im able to see him. :>

Hais. Lets hope for the best for the next few weeks.

Toodles

2011-06-17T06:11:00.000-07:00

Hey. Just got home from pioneer mall. Lul.
Went there to accompany my bro.

Otp-ed with joe just.
Magically he made my day even though I dint show it.

He is part of my life in a way or another.
Idk what more to say.

Somehow been feeling he's been patient with me.
Nvm.
Will see how it goes.

Might be might not be meeting him tmrw.

So yeah.

Bye

2011-06-16T22:46:00.000-07:00

If your phone is spoilt. How am I to contact you. #hais

2011-06-16T22:40:00.000-07:00

Im so confused.
Idk what to do. ):
Im getting more sick.
And the only person on my mind all day and night is Joe.
)':
Idk what to do anymore.

May god decide the best for us.
Amin.

2011-06-16T04:38:00.001-07:00

yes, i cant live without my blog. if you think i merepek cause keep on deleting/private/public/restoring my blog that one your fucking problem idc.

this feeling is hell. yes. this is hell.

apparently someone dint reply to my text. best ke peeee _|_

2011-06-14T07:52:00.000-07:00

you could have at least told me earlier.

2011-06-14T07:41:00.000-07:00

come on, treat me better than this. im a human.

2011-06-14T07:33:00.001-07:00

_|_ my life

2011-06-14T07:23:00.000-07:00

it still bugs me

2011-06-14T07:19:00.000-07:00

come on think bout it. we're kissing and stuff. but when it comes to the real thing like the cyber world? we're not even friends? what? we're strangers on cyber world?

2011-06-14T07:15:00.000-07:00

i know your saving your p8, cant you at least spare a text for me? hais

2011-06-14T05:37:00.000-07:00

hi.

im awesome and i know it.
i dont need people to tell me if im not.
i know my flaws.
wanna criticise someone, go look in the mirror and start you bitching session.

wetheawesome

2011-06-13T07:23:00.000-07:00

Hi!!

Walked around a lot today.
Dont mind me broken English yeah.
Heh.

So yeah. Met baby at around 5 plus 6 I think?
Hehe.

Even though he was so tired he still accompanied me to buy groceries.
Sweet ekh? Carried it for me too. (:

Thank yoi so much baby.
And iloveyou
Xoxo

2011-06-12T08:36:00.000-07:00

Time check: 11:36pm

Im still awake. Been blogging thru my phone, again.

Im swear im dying with my throat like this. Been forcing myself to eat.
But im still fat. How? 0.o

I miss Joe. But its ok.

Am learning to be alone. I know I can survive not texting him.
But i'll try. I rather see myself suffer than be seen as irritating in his eyes. :/

Erm. Im tired. But I dont think I can sleep tonight. Hais. ):

2011-06-12T08:18:00.000-07:00

I just want you beside me. Is it so hard? )':

fml

2011-06-12T06:20:00.000-07:00

Hi.

Just got home from grams.

Life been an ass these few days. _|_

So... Im sick. Fuck k fuck.

Been sleeping at 2 plus 3 in the morning. (y)

Reason being I think of him all the time.
Thats my fault.

Ok, idk if this is my insecurity or smth.
But what I do know, im confused. Like really confused.
Agitated with myself too maybe?

Its not that I let these emotions get the better of me.
Just that.. Nvm.

I wonder to myself at times why do my messages go unreplied.
Why the replies are as if im so boring I deserved to be replied that way.

Come on, ive got feelings yknow.

I know I would risk losing you if I were to publish this post.
But I rather clear out everything.
And If i were to really lose you, at least I told my side of story.
Well at least part of it.

I wanted to ask why at times you reply to my text and at times I have to text you again just so that you would reply to my previous text. Little things do hurt me. Yes! Im ridiculous! Im unreasonable. Im weak! Yes, yes I am. Sorry I cry all the time.

Our love is fading. Well thats from my pov. Im trying very hard to hold on to you. Very hard.
Yknow, when you let go of my hand when i linked arms with you? I felt lost. Weird but true.
Preposterous but it is true. You dont know.

Its impossible to clap with one hand baby. Its as if im the only one keeping the flame burning. Thats what im feeling.
I know your taking it slow, but your taking it too slow, thats the problem with you.
Everything I said just seems wrong to you.

Ive stopped dwelling on the past. I move forward everyday. Hoping you would do the same. Praying you would do the same.
Baby, im sorry im not perfect enough for you to love me so deep.

Please? If you dont wish to bring our rs to the next level, if you dont wish to take me back as your girlfriend.
Please dont let me on like this. It hurts baby. It hurts a lot. These are the things that run thru my mind every night.

I dont wish to lose you.
I dah tk sanggup lagi.

No, im not desperate.

Love makes you do crazy things. Yes.

Yours truly

Ps, I love you.

fml

2011-06-04T23:32:00.000-07:00

Erm hey.

Gonna go away now. (':
Hmmm.

There's just too many things inside my head now. Seriously like too many things.

I cant help but to feel insecure too. Fuck.

The main reason im going away is too build up on my self confidence all those bullshit.

I have to stop feeling insecure all the time.

And I realised I cant always depend on Joe.

So yeah.

I hope when I return he'll still be loving me and me alone? I hope. But if things were to change... Then I'll just face it.

I came this far. Might as well just face whatever thats gonna come.

Yours truly.

Baby.

2011-06-03T05:34:00.000-07:00

Otp-ing with baby now. (:
you just made my day baby.

i love you.
XOXO

3 words.

2011-06-03T05:08:00.001-07:00

Supp aweshome peoplesh.
hmmmm.

did nth much today.
tryna get all these stupid things off my head. damn. _|_

phone so silent today without baby's texts.
but its ok. (:
hope he's happy.
dont wanna disturb him anyway.
my hand so itchy to text him. T.T
but nvm.

--

need go lib soon ald laaaa.
english so pecah ald. fuck.

--

make me feel secure baby. :'/

Super basssssss.

2011-06-02T06:12:00.000-07:00

hi awesome readers. (:
hmmmm.

this few days have been the best days of my life. (:
being able to spend my time with him, thats the very best part of my whole entire life right now. (:

we're closer than ever before. hehe. <3

im okay with my bestfriend too. thats the best part too.
everything is okay now.
alhamdullilah.

hmmmm.

went shopping with mum today.
god knows what we bought. (:

pierced my ear.
bought new braaaaaas, shoe, slipper, bangles,blahblahblah. hehehe.

i love you solihin sadali.

toodles awesome people ^^v

2011-05-30T01:59:00.000-07:00

Hi hi.

I miss solihin sadali pleash. ):
His having cw. Grrrr.
Hope I can meet him soon soon soon!
God knows when would the soon be.

English pecah sia. The fuck?!

Kk.

I love you baby.
Xx

2011-05-22T05:57:00.001-07:00

2011-05-20T17:42:00.000-07:00